I took the time to send out three handwritten notes to miscellaneous people tonight. It seriously only took like 5 minutes and 3 stamps. My family knows, as a general rule, I don't buy cards for the occasions I should buy them for--I'm a rebel like that. But the concept of scribbling a personal note on a generic note card and sticking it in the mail has a very genuine feel to it. Plus, cards like that have a tendency to land on the exact day that they're needed. It makes me feel good to imagine those people cracking open real mail this week. That ain't no forgettable Facebook post.
This week I realized that there are many people in my life that feel isolated, insecure and transparent. These are people who, according to everything I know about them, should feel validated, empowered and encouraged. How does it happen that I missed this--if I say I care about them, shouldn't I have picked up on this sooner? As it is, they didn't come out and say it--just suddenly, a sentence was spoken that went through my mind and caused a chain reaction. Suddenly, I heard what they weren't saying. Immediately I realized that I'm not the only person who often feels solitary.
I'm embarrassed now to admit that these are people I originally felt were somewhat clique-ish. I yearned for them to accept me, to include me in their seemingly flamboyant and carefree circle of lunch dates and inside jokes. I thought they were rude and inconsiderate, overlooking me with almost purposeful casualness.
But slowly I've gotten to know these women--and they're such wonderful, welcoming people. They thought I was confident and comfortable. One of my current favorites commented that she'd see me walk into church and often loved how I dressed. I wanted to sob with laughter--I thought she never saw me and often feel sorry for myself concerning her. I chuckle now--she doesn't have any idea how much I craved her validation and friendship, long before I slowly assimilated into it. We had lunch today--and she's now one my favorite people (I have a lot of favorites) but she's funny and genuine and so very likeable.
I wonder now how many women watch me go by and crave my friendship, wish for my time and validation. Don't forget--all this lonely time, these people thought I was the confident one. Those days were in truth some of the loneliest of my life. I still, honestly, crave a bosom buddy or two--I feel like I have a crowd of beautiful people in reach--just waiting for someone to show that they want to pursue in-depth friendship with me. But everyone is so busy--we get one thing scheduled, and it's three months until we manage to schedule another gathering. And that's fine--but I know God's preparing a bosom buddy for me. Someone who likes me enough to crave time with me, as I would with her. I can't wait to be made better by her presence in my life.
But I know there are probably some of you out there who I think have a lifefull of trusted confidants--you're not really looking for someone to laugh with over a stale pot of coffee or while folding a load of laundry.
But I think someone out there is looking for me. Don't worry--we're Anne and Diana (that's a Green Gables reference). :) We'll find each other.
And to the rest of you busy ladies, who just look at me and think I'm too preoccupied for you, that's silly. Now we know. Please come and sit by me and let's chat--I sincerely want to know who you are and to appreciate your uniqueness. Your presence in my life will make me better--and maybe I can bring color and love into your life as well.
So here's a toast to fresh, honest relationships, new validations, and my bosom buddy--just keep swimming--I'll find you!