tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58092208806297735552024-02-20T12:34:25.990-05:00the guts to fail forwardIf you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allenndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-36065796632328326102013-12-17T10:41:00.002-05:002013-12-17T10:41:21.701-05:00Blessed by a MonsterI have made friends with a monster. I feel him today, sitting on my neck, unconcerned that his weight is making my head hurt.
His name is Expectation.
I am a marionette to him. My hands and feet dance each time he tugs on me. He masquerades behind the faces of people my heart loves, and in their voices he manipulates me. Sometimes he gets bored of me and lays me aside ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-29215290252366306012013-10-10T21:36:00.003-04:002013-10-10T21:43:00.440-04:00Closet of Fake BravadoI have a civil war within my spirit. I am an spiritual adolescent; this is made plain by how my inner dialogue is constantly warring against itself:
This is so difficult. I have never felt more alone.
I can persist. I can tell He's using this to make me stronger.
I celebrate this season!
I will finish.
I quit.
Lord, I'm all the way in. Do your full work.
Jesus, I need ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-23836104338346278082013-08-13T12:13:00.001-04:002013-08-13T14:21:55.424-04:00Rain For The WeedsWhen Nick and I bought our home, we had a fenced-in back yard for the first time in our married life. Think of the possibilities! I marvelled. I thought the paver patio and pathway were so lovely. I thought a raised bed seemed like a good idea and Nick, being the husband that he is, went to work for me one Saturday morning, building the frame and hauling loads of dirt to fill itndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-78635206550779261632013-08-08T20:25:00.001-04:002013-08-08T20:25:26.363-04:00Monster In My RoomSo it seems I am something of a children's songwriter.
At least my own kids seem to like my tunes.
Here's one Aly requests fairly often. It came out of me one day when she was telling me about a "bad dream"...
There's a monster in my room
and he's very very big
and he gets especially ugly
when I try to go to sleep
So I say "Get out! And go away!
I don't have any time for you-u-u"
ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-46337161768616016132013-08-07T10:29:00.003-04:002013-08-07T10:29:36.814-04:00Healing: A Prayer
Holy Spirit, You are welcome here.
Especially while my children are hitting themselves with metal Thomas trains and squealing at each other. They have yo-yoed from happy shrieks to raging war about three times this morning so far and if the pendulum should swing again, and Your Presence not be with me, I might assign my sweet, grumpy toddlers to manual labor.
Come flood this ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-25286727525372949172012-09-08T12:51:00.000-04:002012-09-08T13:10:19.811-04:00The SanctuaryI'm really happy to finally take a few minutes to post these photos.
My mom always emphasized the importance of the master bedroom. She said it should always be prioritized as a special place. (You should ask to see hers. Tell her I sent you. She'll be so embarrassed but their room is awesome. :) She had reason to stress this point so heavily in my childhood; my ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-84782491382983633152012-06-21T20:56:00.002-04:002012-06-21T21:05:46.903-04:00The Big RevealRecently, my very heartbeat has cried out for authenticity. My unrehearsed strategy was to start by encouraging those around me to be authentic with me--perhaps that would create the environment in which I could simultaneously and safely begin to reveal my true self as well. It has been something of a slow process.
I've learned to be careful but persistent. I had dinner with myndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-86290737954605653842012-06-04T08:39:00.002-04:002012-06-04T08:39:38.388-04:00The Void of No GoodbyeMy
heart hurts. It seems like my heart aches most of the
time. Before I had children, before I fought for my marriage, before I
really experienced some of the darkness of the world, my heart
didn’t feel so much. I grimace now, when I reflect on the past. I am
embarrassed by my judgments and criticisms. I ache over
those I have lost because I failed to be ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-65886414441970160602012-04-24T18:39:00.002-04:002012-04-24T18:47:41.485-04:00Shingles, Pink Eye, Libido & CayenneSo I have shingles. At least I think I do. I am as diagnosed as I can get for a few more days, as I am in transition to hubby's insurance policy and am too stubborn to pay out of pocket for a doctor to look at me. I send a photo to my sister, who is an RN, if that's any consolation to those who think I'm nuts for not seeking care. Truth is, according to my best research onndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-85820751072508630532012-04-18T10:28:00.002-04:002012-04-18T11:03:16.327-04:00Timeouts, Healing Up, Gervais, and Faith.Timeout
I know some moms set a timer for their children on time out. My sister-in-law sets the timer for the same amount of time for her son's age. I gotta confess, though. Timeouts and Aly have a relationship that follows the same sequence nearly every single time: first, she must express her heartbroken frustration for about 3-5 minutes. She will do this in varyingndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-52072675991843291852012-04-05T10:40:00.002-04:002012-04-05T10:58:10.170-04:00Dining Room...well, at least 85% of it.Ok, so the key difference between me and those folks who show their homes in interior decor magazines is that they hide their real life from folks. I don't. So I have zero motivation to put away the kids toys and the wetmop (but if you notice the shiny floor, I did atleast mop up Aly's breakfast oatmeal before I photographed. Haha). Plus, this project is probably not trulyndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-91591219271354701852012-04-02T20:21:00.000-04:002012-04-02T20:21:04.270-04:00Kitchen Makeover: the Heart of my HomeOk, this is going to be a quick post because my husband just got back from a three-day trip and I want to hang out with him instead of you beautiful people. So here's what I did while Nick was gone...well, OK, that's a quarter truth...here's half what Mom and I did while Nick, Wes, and Dad were gone. We painted the dining room too. But that project is still underway. So ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-63312089822027390032012-03-05T13:54:00.000-05:002012-03-05T14:03:03.004-05:00Hallway Make-Over!I'm so glad to finally post this: a nasty cold found me this weekend and delayed me...but I'm feeling better so here you go!
Until Dax was born, my hallway wasn't really featured on my list of house tweaks. I figured it could wait.
And then my dear newborn son insisted on being fed at o'dark thirty for several weeks...and every night, through the haze of exhaustion, I rocked my little guyndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-39559765623677797282011-09-25T18:44:00.003-04:002011-09-28T10:38:06.753-04:00Baby Dos: A Boy's Nursery
The day is finally here!!--my blog entry on my baby boy's nursery project. The nesting bug bit hard and Pinterest exasperated the infection, so that many nights I found myself working on this project long after I should have been, speaking from a physical standpoint of aching hips, aching feet, and a few uninvited contractions. I just so badly wanted it to be done. Last week,ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-74274630164338860582011-07-05T22:30:00.000-04:002011-07-05T22:30:47.102-04:00Today I learned...Today I found out...
that when you dice jalepeno peppers, the oil makes rubbing your eye a bad idea. I'm posting this just to postpone taking out my contacts.
that I'm having a son
that I'm more intimidated by the idea of parenting a son than I knew I was
that having people over just for a game night with munchies is a great casual evening
that my mom kept things from my childhood that I ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-84228461271377042272011-06-16T13:07:00.001-04:002011-06-16T13:17:25.313-04:00Dishes, Flowers & Buddy?I finally figured out why women dry their dishes.
It has always been an inigma to me. Why dry your dishes if the air will do that for you? Do you really have so much time on your hands that you can stand by your sink and dry those dishes? I never thought I did.
But I figured it out today.
Women dry their dishes so that for at least one singular moment in their day, both sidesndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-35877861043335908142011-05-22T23:07:00.006-04:002011-05-22T23:38:49.556-04:00Appetite for a Meat DressI just caught a few minutes of this year's Billboard awards. I am an artistic musician at heart, so my core drinks up creativity in almost all forms. Even dark expressions, sometimes, house great revelation. As I was walking away from the TV, Snoop Dogg was on stage wearing a very bizarre piece of stage jewelry, his signature braided ponytails, and a dangling earring. A ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-47600276367327031662011-04-14T20:19:00.001-04:002011-04-14T21:36:29.391-04:00wow. so i guess i'm preggo.aly is crying here at my knees. she's been crying all evening actually. i guess she didn't nap well or something because every little event tonight has thrown her into a dramatic fit of tears. i usually don't mind the tears--it's going to be part of raising this little girl, of that i am sure. but these are dinosaur tears and they keep coming. i want to keep her up ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-54394250044268061362011-04-12T07:18:00.005-04:002011-04-12T07:43:45.799-04:00truceit.has.been.a.while.
i didn't know it would take me three months to recover.
i like to cling to the idea that my blog is my space to write anything that comes to be, a diary of sorts to empty all the hidden places of my heart--sometimes thoughts come that I didn't realize I had or an outlet for frustrations. moreover, a place to pour things that spontaneously found me.
i feel like i shouldndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-18635368688918722812010-12-30T09:22:00.002-05:002010-12-30T09:23:57.661-05:00Our SongNick and I have never been able to say that we "have a song."
That changed today.
This is "Dancing in the Minefields" by Andrew Petersonndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-92081915398254481412010-12-25T10:54:00.005-05:002010-12-25T17:18:52.774-05:00the guts to get pregnantit's christmas day.
only six days left until a brand new year begins.
i am a goal-setter by nature. i enjoy challenging myself to reach higher. so usually, around this time of year, my heart naturally begins to seek out the opportunity for a fresh beginning, and new adventures to go with it.
and this year, i do have a mental list already forming in my mind. no ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-55740333929118951372010-12-21T22:24:00.000-05:002010-12-21T22:24:07.244-05:00noisy rhondawhen i found out rhonda had died, after the immediate shock passed, i was numb for a long time.
it took a while until i felt anything.
but slowly, i started noticing that rhonda's name was echoing through my mind. literally, it was like i was hearing "rhonda, rhonda" over and over.
for those of you who don't know, i'm something of a name person. to me, names matter. what the ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-29071300275903703582010-12-16T10:13:00.003-05:002010-12-21T22:41:48.597-05:00pretty nails or useful handsits a red nail polish kind of day. i think i'm going to take myself out to get some.
along with baby wipes and eggs.
i'm forgetting something.
darn. it.
i don't know why i bother with nail polish. and i will think that exact thought a week from now, when it's chipped almost completely off and looks ridiculous. i will wonder why i went to the store and spent the money for it.&ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-19707351126184096112010-10-17T22:51:00.000-04:002010-10-17T22:51:16.535-04:00Note Cards & Bosom BuddiesI took the time to send out three handwritten notes to miscellaneous people tonight. It seriously only took like 5 minutes and 3 stamps. My family knows, as a general rule, I don't buy cards for the occasions I should buy them for--I'm a rebel like that. But the concept of scribbling a personal note on a generic note card and sticking it in the mail has a very genuine feel to itndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5809220880629773555.post-40464357843526346402010-09-28T22:53:00.001-04:002010-09-28T23:02:22.367-04:00A Band of DelinquentsThere is a man on my mind. Well, there are several of them, a sort of band of brothers. If you close your eyes for a moment, you can picture their tired, blackened, but determined faces. Their hands are calloused, their feet blistered, their knuckles cracked open. They are heroes, all of them, giving up their right to selfish perspectives in pursuit of the mission ndhelmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11807513072054773110noreply@blogger.com1